Why I Added Woot To My Bookmarks

Jaysus, man, where else can you get stuff like this?! Every day is like a new short-short story!

Re: Uniden – It Feels So Good

In the future, our distant descendants will enjoy Saturday mornings—which they’ll call Knievelday mornings—at the Museum of Ancient Technologies in the beautiful coastal city of New Atlanta. A popular attraction will be the Terrace of Telephones.

Oh, how our early phones will amuse them! They’ll hug their newly released iFriend close as they laugh their weird, futuristic laugh— a series of spasmodic nose-breaths —at the primitive candlestick models. Then they’ll use some crazy iFeature to find their way to the interactive exhibit in the holotorium, where they’ll marvel as they find out just what a senselessly insulting experience it once was to navigate a 20th-Century touchtone customer service labyrinth. They’ll see one of the last known Bluetooth headsets and wonder to each other how 21st-Century man could have been so dim as not to recognize the device’s permanent softening effect on the brain.

And then they’ll get to this Uniden three-handset system… and the nasal hyperventilation will subside. They’ll admire the stylish contours of the handsets and the soft glow of the backlit LCDs. They’ll imagine themselves in our time, using one of the ten memory-dial locations to call one of their closest friends. (A steamboat captain, they’ll figure, or a lightsaber operator in one of our mammoth meat plants.)

Something about these phones— maybe their caller ID support or their automatic redial —will make our time seem less backward to these Earth Citizens of the future. They’ll start to see us as a vibrant, ambitious people with a young and exciting culture, capable of great phones, and destined to give rise, over millennia, to their own freaky sci-fi society. For that, they’ll privately respect and envy us.

Then, when they come out of their reverie, they’ll look at their iFriend and wish that maybe it was a little more “petrolpunk”. And they’ll promise each other they’ll visit the Uniden phones again next Knievelday, and the Knievelday after that, and the Knievelday after that, too.

Who is this writing freak?!!?

Some day they will compile all these listings into an ebook.

Which I will buy on Knievelday.

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