Today’s Oprah: Women And Money

Shut up. The TV was on again, tuned to the channel, just like last time.

And again I was snagged by the teaser and watched most of it (let’s just say pressing personal hygienic needs intervened).

What you need to know immediately is that you have less than a day to get a free ebook copy of Suze Orman’s book, Women and Money. Go here. Once there, right-click and do Save As… to have a free PDF version. If you don’t want it, maybe you know someone who does, so go grab it Just In Case. Offers end 8PM EST Thursday, February 14th.

The bulk of the show was about this woman dealing with the aftermath of her husband’s suicide. Of course, we only heard her side of the story but the guy took the coward’s way out (he did not have an illness that necessitated his fatal act) so I think that says a lot.

Three months before his suicide, his behavior toward his wife had becoming increasingly abusive. That is to say, a marriage that had already been abusive was getting worse. It got to the point where the children would sleep with their mother at night to protect her from their father!

After his death, she discovered the extent of the trouble she was in. He had canceled his life insurance policy. He had run up over $60,000.00 in additional debt via credit cards. The family had already, the wife admitted, lived rather extravagantly. She, for example, had ninety pairs of jeans. The house was filled with stuff. I couldn’t count fast enough, for instance, to tally the population of Hello Kitty dolls I saw on shelves in the kids’ playroom.

The financial upshot was that there was $72 (that’s right: seventy-two dollars) in the bank and no cash in the house and no cash in the wife’s — now widow’s — hands.

The house, in which they had no real equity, had already been leveraged for additional credit. In short, she and her children would be facing a future with no money, no house, no job.

I’ve seen this story again and again and again on TV. And I just don’t understand it.

Survey after survey I’ve seen about What Women Want, “security” tops the list (or comes very, very close to it). Here’s a revelation: There is no security this side of the grave! For anyone!

Here’s a story just today of a billionaire who might have been murdered. If it turns out to have been a murder, what does that say about anyone’s ability to buy security with all that money? Oh, you think, now the wife will inherit all that money and be secure. Will she? How do you know she won’t go off her nut from grief or whatever and just waste all of it? A widow of 9/11 did.

So, I don’t understand this delusion women seem to suffer under that marriage will suddenly imbue them with some sort of invulnerability that just doesn’t exist.

Second, I don’t understand how any woman can give up her independence, skills, and financial abilities simply because she has committed an act of marriage. There are lottery winners who keep their job! Is obtaining a husband something greater than a big lottery win? Well guess what — even winning a lottery doesn’t guarantee financial security. Here’s an article about winners who have pissed it all away.

Third, I don’t understand how any woman could tolerate a man either verbally abusing her or physically battering her. Yes, I’ve seen, in story after story, how the women claimed that if they “stuck it out,” he “might change.” Oh no he won’t! Short of a true religious conversion and repentance, that’s just not going to happen, not ever! (And even after claiming a religious conversion, I’d remain suspicious.) Actions speak louder than words. A man can tell you he loves you, adores you, can’t live without you — but if he treats you like shit, like filth, if he berates and insults and shreds your self-esteem, worth, and confidence, his actions are telling you what he really thinks of you.

Recently I was walking into the terminal to get a ferry. It was close to departure time but I knew that I didn’t have to run in order to make it. I saw this guy nearly-running. A very good-looking woman was in his wake. She was wearing a fur coat. She was struggling to even walk fast (and, no, she was not obese!). What did this guy do? He turned to her as he was still moving quickly, his face contorted, and he snarled at her, “Keep up!” I was shocked. I could see the woman was in some distress and I was a stranger with no emotional attachment to her, yet I felt sympathy towards her. Yet here was a guy who was either her husband or at least her lover — and he was barking at her as if he was a Drill Sergeant and she was a rookie recruit! She tried to move faster.

On the ferry itself, she sat coincidentally where I could see her and her distress hadn’t ended. She was still painfully trying to breathe and eventually even took off her coat (and it was a cold day). I wanted to tell her that she should call 911, but figured I’d get a bash in the snout from the prick accompanying her.

Why did she put up with that? If they had missed the ferry, so what? They run every half hour! I wouldn’t have treated my woman like that! Hell, if I went temporarily nuts and did try to pull that, I’d expect my woman to stand still and tell me to go to hell, at the very least!

I just don’t understand how any woman can start out in her life and in her love like this:

And allow herself to wind up like this:

It will probably remain an eternal mystery to me.

If you’re a woman reading this, trapped like that, get help and get out.

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