The Food From Hell Is Not Available

They actually responded to my email. A while ago. (Memory problems, OK?)

February 18, 2008

E-Mail Address:

Dear Mr. Cane:

Thank you for taking the time to contact Consumer Insights regarding Armour Star Pork Brains. It gives us great pride to have the opportunity to interact with the individuals who use our products.

I regret having to disappoint you, but we are no longer manufacturing this product. It has been discontinued and the vast majority of our inventory has been depleted.

I do hope that you will be able to find an alternate item within our product line that meets your needs.


[name redacted]
Consumer Insights Representative

It is, of course, a form letter that has practically no relation to the text of the email I sent.

Here’s the alleged food in question.

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