Debut Episode Of Fox TV’s Fringe

Even though I got the “authorized” Internet leak on Sunday, I didn’t actually get around to watching it til today. Which is four days after it appeared on television.

Still, I think the world must be warned!


Hello. Welcome to Fringe. No, this is not an ad for soda!


This is important. Please engage the Auto Pilot of your brain.


From time to time, we will display …


… what we technically term …


… Big-Ass Dumbass Titles …


… some of which will look like fucking UFOs hovering over a city …


.. and will sometimes be angled to make them cool and hard to read …


… and will sometimes be positioned to make you go WTF?!!!? …


… all in order to disguise the fact we are doing …


… a third-rate rip-off of the The X-Files!


Please meet our cliches: An FBI agent too stupid to realize her lover is a turncoat who will be blown up in the first act …


… the evil twin, because, you know, there was a writer’s strike and this shit can’t be expected to be good, can it? …


.. and the oooooh mysterious world-dominating corporation because, like fuck, we did tell you to put your brain on Auto Pilot, right?


And if you ignored our advice, you probably feel like this by the end of our stupid fucking script. Sorry, Charlie, no refund on the one hour and twenty-one minutes you wasted!


If you want to see really good TV, change the channel to Spongebob.

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8 Comments on “Debut Episode Of Fox TV’s Fringe”

  1. Elaine Caldwell Says:

    Worries that one of the cast or extras would crash into the giant alphabet and seriously hurt themselves kept me otherwise occupied. The blonde is a good weeper. And I have a pash for Mark Valley. Unfortunately, I think I lost it by the time he was transformed from Jello-O mold and back to hunk. Thankfully, we still have the X-Files — still out there in syndication. And I have season 6 of Buffy. I can hold out for something better down the road.

  2. mikecane Says:

    As you now see, Comments are moderated, which is why it didn’t appear after you were finished. I took care of the duplicate.

  3. Elaine Caldwell Says:

    Yer too good. Cheers

  4. Cliff Burns Says:

    Television is a wasteland. I have a decal on my briefcase that says “KILL YOUR TELEVISION” and I think that apropos. We don’t have cable or satellite TV and have no interest in it. If “Fringe” is the sort of thing folks are watching, I don’t think we’re missing much…

  5. Melanie Says:

    Golly boy howdy did Fringe ever suck. Wow. I read somewhere that the producers were assuring folks that there was an end game to the ‘mythology’ on the show and that we’ll see it whether the show runs for nine years or nine episodes.
    Ummm — if I didn’t see it in the pilot episode? It will remain forever a mystery to me. I can live with that.

  6. Melanie Says:

    Oh and the big floating letters — were making me laugh. Which, now that I’m thinking about it, was pretty much the highlight of the episode.

  7. CdeLeo Says:

    Something like this:


  8. I think Episode 2 sealed the deal on this horrible waste of all that is good. I cant believe JJ Abrams had anything more to do with this turkey than lend his name and rolodex to pitch it considering the intense time demands Star Trek must place on him.


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